Ep 1: It will go away right?

Its Thursday 19th April 2012

So I'm sitting at my desk, working on my monthly management report, I often rub my neck as I'm thinking things through, as I do this I feel a lump just above my collar bone right by my neck, its hard, irregular in shape and probably the size of a ping pong ball.  I think to my myself "hmmmm that dosn't feel right" then in a masterful piece of manliness I shrug it off and pretend it inst there, cause it will go away, right?

That strategy worked for about an hour then I'm finding myself rubbing that spot again, probing it prodding it and generally engaging all my FUCK what is this thoughts in a succession of down spiralling negative thoughts to the final conclusion I'm dead its just a matter of time.

So naturally I pushed it aside and said nothing to anyone, because if I tell Jacqui about it, it becomes real, if I tell Jacqui she will reasonably insist I go to the doctor, if I tell Jacqui I will worry her.  The best thing to do is pretend its not there - simple.

Friday 20th April 2012

I keep touching the lump, it seems bigger, cant be bigger, its my imagination, its just an inflammation it will go away.  The good news is we got broken into at the Muzz Buzz at 2:30 AM so I am able to distract myself with tasks of repairing the Roller Shutter and making the store secure for the night.  This keeps my occupied until 10:30 ish PM I head home go to bed -

Saturday 21st April 2012

Jacqui's working at The Muzz Buzz, I didnt sleep much very restless, I head out to the Bank, the shops to buy stuff to complete the repairs and head to the store and spend the day with Jac.  I keep touching the lump, fuck I think its bigger, no no your being stupid, dont worry it will go away.

Should I tell Jacqui, nope why worry her, it will go away.

Sunday 22nd April 2012

I go visit mum as I do every Sunday morning, shes been in a retirement home for about 6 months now and I make it a routine to go say high early most Sunday mornings.  I feel for the lump, its still there.

Jacqui rings me saying she suspects the girl working with her is stealing money from our till, I head to the shop and spend the next 3 hours trawling CCTV footage gathering evidence.  Jacs right, I confront the employee with the evidence, she admitted she had stolen money and handed me back the money.  I dismissed her immediately and sent her from the store, looks like its the Jac and John team for the rest of the day.  I'm stressed angry and very sad about the theft, I feel for the lump, its still there.

I look at Jacqui, I simply cant withhold this anymore, I need her to tell me it will be OK and it will go away, its perfectly normal, Ill tell Jac shell tell me its all gonna be OK.

I say to her what do you think this is Darl, she feels it says "oh" and her face shows a worried expression, she looks at me says I think you need to get that checked out.

Right so that was a win now we are both scared.

ITS NOTHING IT WILL GO AWAY

RIGHT?